The Chimera of Notre Dame
by Verdigris
Summary: The Slayers in the Disney version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Chapter 6, the last chapter, is up!
1. The Chimera

THE CHIMERA OF NOTRE DAME

By Courtney Kays "Verdigris"

Author's Note: This is based on the Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, my favorite Disney animated movie. This is my version of the Slayers in a Disney movie. Some of the characters fit the Slayers quite well......maybe a little exaggerated, but oh well. The gargoyles are the only characters I left unchanged. This was fun to write.

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Chapter 1

The puppet wagon opened to reveal a man with purple shoulder length hair and a big stupid blue hat with a purple feather in. He wore a blue, yellow and magenta costume that resembled that of a jester and a gold hoop in his ear. His eyes are closed and he smiled as he told the children a story.

"And they all died horrible deaths, the little boy eventually gnawed off his foot and Tim the dog ran away.......and got hit by a cart. The End." He ended the story cheerfully.

The children stared up at him with horrified eyes, standing very still. One kid sat near wagon and was rocking back and forth. "That was scary story, Mr. Xelloss," A little child said with trembling eyes.

"I know." Xelloss smiled. "Its one of my favorites, and it has a good moral to it too."

"What is the moral?" A child who hadn't blinked once the story started.

Xelloss grinned and held up a finger. "That's a secret." The kids face faulted. One of them cried and ran away from the cart. "Would you like to hear the one about the Chimera that lives in the Notre Dame bell tower?"

"We've already heard it..." A little kid said. "We had nightmares for two weeks."

A snotty nosed one spoke up. "Yeah! We don't want to hear it again!"

Xelloss held up a little puppet version of himself and pushed it into the faces of the children. "Don't you want to hear it again? I know you do." The puppet squeaked in a high voice, and warped into a wolf puppet and grew sharp teeth.

The children nodded their heads nervously and clung to person next to them. "Oh! Yes ! YES! We'd love to hear it again!" They gave each other panicked glances as they planted their feet on the stone floor.

Xelloss smiled brighter than ever. "Alright then." He pulled back the small curtain of the puppet stage. "Blah blah blah. And Minister Rezo gave the boy a cruel name. A name that maenad 'Half-Baked' Zelgaaaaadis...Its a tale of a man and the monster..."

"AHHHGHH! It's killing me!" Xelloss giggled as his puppet was attached the child's shirt with its teeth.

******

Alone in the bell tower sat a lonely Chimera, mentally and physically scarred. Zelgadis walked out to the balcony at a small little baby bird sleeping in a nest in one of the gargoyle's mouths. 

"Haven't you left yet!" Zelgadis groaned. "It's been, what, two months and you haven't flown out?" The little bird shrugged and peeped sadly. "Well? It's a clear day, why don't you leave now?" The birds squeaked in fright. "I don't need this." Zelgadis sighed and took the bird and threw it out.

The bird flew and peeped coarsely at Zel that possibly translated into "ass-hole' in bird speech.

Three of the gargoyles came to life next to him. A bird winged one spoke up. "You had a messed up childhood didn't you Zelgadis?"

"No sh.."

"Aw man!" Hugo interrupted and spat out a wad of feathers and nesting twigs. "I'll be spitting feathers out for week."

Zel sighed walked into the bell tower. The gargoyles watched him and looked at one another with sad faces.

Lavern hopped up to Zel who was now sitting at his table full his wood carvings of people and buildings; a baker, a few townspeople, his master with a knife in the back of his head, those kind of things. "Zel, what's wrong?"

"What isn't wrong." He replied in a dead voice.

Lavern sat next to him in the one of the chairs. "Why aren't you watching the festival?"

Zel was getting angry at all the questions and said simply, "I don't like festivals."

"Don't you want to go down and see it instead of watching from up here?"

"Hell no."

He heard a noise coming from up the stairs. Minister of Justice Rezo was coming to see Zelgadis.

Rezo walked up the stairs holding a basket. "Hello Zel-Ow!!" He hit his head on a low hanging woodblock. "Zelgadis..Awh!" Smacks into a sidewall. "Zelgadis! Can you tell we where you are, I'm kind of blind here."

Zelgadis sighed and called out in monotone. "I'm over here Master Rezo." Rezo stood where he was and waited for Zel. "Oh damnit.." He snapped his fingers repeatedly and Rezo smiled and followed the sound.

Rezo stumbled his way to Zel's table. "Now shall we start with our alphabet today?" Zelgadis did the classic guy stance with legs wide open in his chair, elbow on the table and face leaning into his hand. He looked ready kill.

"Whatever you want, Master Rezo." Rezo made a stare at him. He cursed under his breath. "I mean, Yes Master Rezo, I would like that very much."

"Alright." Rezo opened the book. "A."

"Abolition."

"Good. B."

"Blasphemy."

"C."

"Contrition."

"D"

"Hmph…Damnation."

"E"

Zelgadis frowned. "My favorite….Eternal Damnation."

"F."

"Fuck you."

"What?"

"I mean, Forgiveness." Zelgaidis yawned, hiding a smirk.

"You said Festival!"

Zel blinked. "Uh....No I didn't, I said Fu.."

"You were thinking about going to the festival." Rezo stood up facing opposite of Zel, who had to turn him around. "You don't know what the world is like out there, Zelgadis. Its cruel, its harsh its..." He turned away as the background music turned up and he began to sing.

"Master Rezo, Don't sing, for the love of GOD don't sing!" Zelgadis pleaded.

Rezo didn't listen and sang anyway. He grabbed Zel's shoulder to make him stand with him and swayed to the music. "**_You are deformed." He nudged Zel in the shoulder._**

Zel crossed his arms over his chest and sang flatly, swaying slowly. "I am deformed."

"And you are ugly."

Zel hissed. "And I am ugly.." He pulled away. "Okay this is stupid! Let's just skip the musical!" Rezo shrugged and picked up his basket.

"Remember Zelgadis, this is your sanctuary." He made a dramatic gesture with his hand and hit his head on a low board. 

Zel just pushed him out. "Mm-Mm, right. Thank you, good-bye." 

As soon as Rezo left Hugo popped out. "Thank you come again!" 

*******

Gourry looked at his map again. "This doesn't look like the Magic Kingdom." Actually, it was a map of Disney World. "You leave for ten years and they change everything." He looked up at his horse and pointed to the map. "See, Splash Mountain would have been here." The horse snorted and bit out a part of the map. Gourry looked the map and took a bite too. "Hm..not bad."

Elsewhere around the corner Amelia was dancing while a young boy played a flute. Lina sat hunched by the wall until someone threw money into the hat by Amelia. A man walked by and tossed a few coins; Lina rushed forward and grabbed the hat.

"What! Three coins? You jerk! Gimme more money!" 

"Miss Lina!" Amelia stopped. "Three coins is pretty good for us since we're the down-trod people of Paris. We're broke!"

Lina growled and held the hat in her claws. "Yeah, well, we'd be making more money if I got up there and danced." 

"Oh you know you couldn't fill out my dress..." Amelia said mostly to herself as she fixed her hair.

"I couldn't what!???!"

Two guards showed up looking at Amelia and Lina. "You there! Gypsies!" 

"Oh shit." Lina started to run with Amelia behind her. 

One of the guards, a tall green haired man with horn in his head catches Amelia by the wrist. "Stealing money again, Gypsy?"

"I earned it!" Amelia squealed, fighting to get her hand free. Another guard walked up to her.

"Gypsies don't earn money, they steal it!" They advance on her as Lina comes back.

She runs back for the hat. "Forgot the money...Amelia? Hold on Amelia!" She puts hands out. "Fireball!" Nothing happens. "Oh..I forgot....no magic in this story."

"All except for the Disney Magic." Another one of the guards interjected with long curly black hair and a floppy hat.

Lina tapped her chin. "Yeah, that. Ah well, whatayagonna do." She kicked both of them in the groin and grabbed Amelia's arm and raced her down the street.

Valgarv and Zangulus run after them in funny looking jogs when they knock into Gourry's horse. Gourry didn't notice because he was eating the rest of his map. He looked down at the two fallen guards. The horse sat on Zangulus' head and he screamed. "Hey! Get out from under my horse!" 

Valgarv took out his sword. "I'll teach you a lesson." Gourry turned to him and Valgarv saw the gold helmet on his head. "Your helmet? Oh, it's...Captain! At your service sir!"

"Captain? I just liked the helmet. Hm, where's the Palace of Justice?" Valgarv led the way. "What is that anyway? A restaurant maybe?"

Gourry tugged on his horse's reins. "Heel, Chicken Dinner. Heel."

********


	2. Par-tay

Chapter 2

When they reached the castle like building Rezo was standing near the gallows. He looked up from looking at nothing. He's blind okay! "Guard?" He asked as Valgarv bowed.

"Captain Gourry is here, sir."

"Ah yes, Captain Gourry..." He twitched his mouth. "Did I call for Captain Gourry?"

"Yes you did, sir."

"Oh! That's right. Thank you."

Rezo approached Gourry. "Back from the wars I see."

Gourry scratched his head under his helmet. "Yeah, they let me out early."

"You must have been too valuable to leave in battle."

"Ah, no. I killed most of my men by leading them off a cliff."

Rezo blinked. "Umm. Well, I... really?"

"Like lemmings, sir."

"Okay." Rezo cleared his throat. "I have called you up here to discuss the matters of gypsies."

Gourry looked confused. "Gypsies?"

Rezo smoothed down his robes. "Yes, Gypsies..."

"Are they pickles?"

Rezo face faulted. "NO! They're people that live in Paris..."

"So you're a gypsy?" Gourry said smiling, thinking he finally got it.

"No! Let me finish! Gypsies are people who aren't Parisians.."

"So I'm a gypsy! I don't live in Paris."

"No! No!  They're people who aren't Parisians and come from different lands but live in Paris and perform tricks for people!" Rezo caught his breath. "Understand now?"

Gourry tapped his helmet. "So you're saying Paris is overrun with monkeys? I remember seeing monkeys that did tricks and..."

Rezo grabbed Gourry by his long hair and pulled him to a window. "Look! See that! Thats a gypsy! See! Gypsy!" Gourry looked down and saw Amelia dancing in the street.

"Oh, thats a gypsy. I get it."

"Yes. I have been trying to rid the city of them, but they always escape my wrath. But I have managed to kill them one by one." He saw a few ants on a stone and crushed the few ants as an example. "They have a safe haven called the Court of Secrets." He picked up the stone slab and underneath were hundreds of ants. "Once I know where it is I can kill all of them at once." 

Gourry pointed at Rezo's robes. "You have ants all over you."

"AHH!" Rezo jumped about. "Get em off! Get em off!"

Gourry unsheathed his sword. "Hold still!"

******

Zelgadis caught himself on a ledge as he fell from a parapet. "Damnit! I told you I don't want to go!" He screamed up at the gargoyles.

"C'mon! You need a little life in your life! It's the Festival of Fools!" Hugo said grinning.

"Have some fun! Maybe you'll find a cure!" Victor called at him.

Zelgadis slowly climbed down. "Wouldn't that be ironic."

"It's a rain on your wedding day." Hugo said.

Lavern agreed. "A black fly in your Chardonnay."

"Shut up!" Zelgadis tripped and caught himself on a long rope, swinging down into the large crowd. "SHIT! OWH!"

Victor crossed his arms over his chest. "We'll really have to do some about that mouth of his." The other two nodded.

In the crowd of people a large parade came through, all dressed as monks and kings. "Come one! Come all!" They sang and cheered. "Welcome to the Feast......Of....."

Xelloss came out from under a woman's skirt that screamed. "Foooools! Ha ha HA!"

Zelgadis tried to hide amongst the people, becoming very nervous and pulled up his cowl and hood closer to his face. "Why did I have to come to this?" Before he could answer himself, he was pulled out of his spot and into the open area of performers, being jerked about by masked dancers.

He was twirled about a little five times before he was able to stagger his way back to the crowd, huffing and puffing. Xelloss stood on a platform and looked at the blue skinned figure. He jumped down and chased him, pushing Zel into all sorts of performances.

Zel managed to punch Xelloss in the jaw but fell back in the process into a tent. Amelia was in the middle of dressing and quickly covered herself as part of the tent was pulled back. Zel landed on his back, looking up at the raven-haired girl who wore short robe only coming to the high part of her thigh. He blushed bright red.

A redheaded girl popped up in front of him. "What the hell are you doing!" Amelia sidestepped her.

"Oh! Are you okay?" Zel just stared at her for a moment still lying in a heap on the floor.

"I..I...I'm sorry."

Amelia helped him up. "Just be little more careful." Zel squeaked as the cowl fell from his face when he was lifted up. "There, no harm down." He was blushing like a stoplight. "By the way, great mask." She smiled. Lina shoved him out.

 "Don't come back you pervert!"

Zel stumbled outside and saw Xelloss searching him. "Hey, can I come back in please!" Lina stepped out, and he backed off. Zel growled and stomped through the crowds trying to work his way through the crowds of people to get to the main door to the church. "Screw you guys, I'm going home."

He froze in place as Xelloss leapt on stage and threw a smoke bomb down, disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke. Before Zel could squeal mentally with glee, Amelia appeared on the stage when the smoke cleared. She danced about the stage and Lina pulled herself up on the side to dance with her. She knocked into Amelia as she twirled.

"Miss Lina! Gah! Watch where you're going!"

"Why don't you watch where you're going!!"

"This is my part!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"NOT!"

"TOO!"

They yelled at each other while dancing, Lina occasionally shoving Amelia when she got to close to her. Zel was glued to his spot, and he didn't understand why. This was the stupidest thing he'd ever seen, but there was something about that black haired girl. Suddenly, he was grabbed from behind and hauled onto a stage with people with masks. 

Amelia and Lina stumbled up on the stage while doing Vana White gestures at the masked people on stage. Amelia removed a mask off a gentleman, who tried his best to make the ugliest face. The crowd booed, and he was sharply pushed off stage by Lina. The same happened with the rest until they reached Zelgadis. He winced as Amelia grabbed his face...or whatever part she could get a grip on, and yanked. It wouldn't budge. Zel sweat-dropped. Lina barged in and tried her luck, but ended up on her bum. The crowd to a startling discovering.

A man in the crowd shouted. "Oh....My....God! That is one hell of mask! I'd give my first child to have a mask so well constructed as that!"

Lina, Amelia and Zel face faulted.

"It's not a mask! Its his face!" 

"He's so ugly!"

A man ran up to the stage and pointed. "It's the Chimera of Notre Dame!" Then ran back.

Zelgadis moaned and looked up at the sky. "And God pointed down and said, 'I hate you Zelgadis Greywords!'"

Rezo the Red Priest, who had been just sitting on his ass in a throne staring at nothing...(He was blind...yeah) rose from his seat. "Zelgadis?" Gourry stood next to him, picking his ear. "Hm?"

Xelloss jumped onto the stage. "Don't panic ladies and gentlemen. We asked for the ugliest face in Paris and here he is, The Chimera of Notre Dame!"

Zel rolled his eyes. "Doo dah, doo dah...."

He yelped as he was thrown in the crowd, who stumbled to hold his weight, but managed to heave him up on a thrown and paraded him through the street. Zel slumped down, looking ready to kill something. "Put me down!" The crowd ignored him and Xelloss put a floppy jester hat on his head and handed him a scepter which Zel launched into the crowd soon after.

He was pushed onto a stage into the center of the square, the crowd chanting his name.

Zelgadis growled and pushed off his crown, shoulders slumping and blushing. He looked up to see Rezo turning his head about at the crowing of Zel's name.

"That boy! Where is he? Where is he!" Rezo snarled. A guard turned his head in the right direction.

"He's over there sir."

Rezo narrowed his closed eyes. "He is so grounded!"

Gourry scratched his head, looking around the party confused. "What's going on? I'm hungry."

Zel couldn't stand all those eyes at his persona and he started looking for a gap in the crowd so he could leave. As he turned left a tomato splatted against the side of his face. The crowd gasped. Part of the tomato was speared on his wiry hair. The crowd laughed at Zelgadis furiously tearing at the vegetable.

Gourry's eyes lit up. "Hey! There's a salad bar! Cool!"

Soon everyone was running to a salad bar cart, chucking lettuce, tomatoes and croutons of all kinds to add to the fun. Zel had fallen to his knees as he slipped. The crowd roared with laughter. Zel's hair was looking worse for wear, everything sticking to his sharp wires. His head looked like shacbob. Yelling with anger and humiliation he pushed himself up only to be pushed back down with ropes being swung over his back and sides, penning him down to the stage.  Zelgadis couldn't move, only left to hunch down facing the crowds of people throwing foodstuffs at him.

Gourry finally looked up from his dressing and carrot sticks to see the cruel show. He turned to Rezo, "Hey? Aren't you gonna stop that? I don't think he likes it that much." Rezo cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Really Captain. That boy must be taught a lesson. Just a little while longer. Hell, make it a half an hour. It'll make up for all those times I couldn't spank him as a child.'"

"Why's that sir?"

Rezo rolled his eyes. "Because I almost broke my hand doing that! Captain, don't do anything and watch!"

Gourry sighed and went back to eating. "You're the boss."

The crowd hushed and Rezo and Gourry's head shot up to the center stage. Amelia was walking up to the stage and the crowd stopped their veggie throwing. She stopped by Zel's side taking out a hanky. Zel turned his head up as far as he could to look at Amelia, dazed. She wiped his face, his eyes and....

"Blow your nose."

Zel blinked, eyebrows lifting.

Lina hung by the side of him. "Blow your nose!"

He sighed and quietly blew his nose on the hanky. "I'm sorry." He looked back at Amelia, her eyes watering slightly. "It wasn't suppose to happen this way."

"What, the barbecue pit was coming instead of the salad bar? Woop-dee-do." Zel asked flatly.

Amelia balled up her fists. "Oh Mr. Zelgadis! I'm TRYING to HELP you here!"

Rezo rose from his chair, pointing a finger. "You! Get down at once!"

Gourry tapped him on the shoulder. "Just turn a little to your right."

"Oh." Rezo sweat-dropped. "Thank you captain." He turned and pointed in the correct direction. "YOU! GET DOWN AT ONCE!"

Amelia straightened, making her voice calm and to the point. "Yes sir, but let me just help him first!"

"I forbid it!" Rezo yelled.

Zel blinked as Amelia took out a knife from nowhere and cut the ropes binding the chimera. The crowd cheered. People were easily amused and had short attention spans back then.

Rezo made exaggerated facial expressions, as much as he could without opening his eyes. "How dare you! Gaurds! Seize her!"

Gourry nodded and threw his salad dressing at Amelia, which ended up on her outfit. She squealed.

"Eww!"

Rezo face-faulted. "Captain, I said seize her not Caesar!"

"Oh. Sorry 'bout that." Gourry licked the dressing off his fingers. He motioned for the guards to their job.

As commanded the guards surrounded the stage where Amelia was standing. Zelgadis moved the rest of the ropes off his shoulders. "Um....miss? I just want to say...."

Despite the danger before them, Amelia balled her fists under her chin looking at the chimera in hopes he might thank her. "Yes? Yes?!"

"You're really screwed."

"Huh? That's it!? Well......you're screwed too ya know."

Zelgadis pushed himself to his feet. "I am not. They'll just take me back to the church and I'm really hoping they'll do it soon. I'm sorry if you get caught by the guards, but hey that's life." He sighed and jumped off, and made his way to the church.

Amelia sighed. "Well, so much for gratitude." Lina grabbed Amelia's arm.

"What a jerk! Amelia! Let's get out of here!"

Zel half-heartedly looked over his shoulder at the two girls running for their lives down the square. He glanced again when he spotted Rezo sitting in his throne demanding spoken visual aids from the guards. The tent he was walking across was a part of the larger one Rezo was in. He smiled and kicked one of the poles holding the tent and walked away.

Rezo growled, "Why won't anyone tell me what's going on!"

"Whats wrong sir?" Gourry asked standing next to him.

"Captain? You were here the whole I've been screaming my lungs out for someone tell me what the hell is happening!? And you didn't say anything!?" Rezo was practically standing on his throne seat.

Gourry tapped his helmet for second. "I didn't think you wanted my opinion."

"Captain..." Rezo sat down and rubbed at the vein bulging on his forehead. "How many brain cells are in that skull of yours."

The tent flapped down and fell on both on them and some of the guards were chasing the two girls.

Gourry's voice was muffled by the tent draped over his head. "Twelve, I counted this morning."

Lina and Amelia were hiding behind some of the carts in the town square. Amelia's eyes were shining. "Oh look Miss Lina! Zelgadis isn't such a jerk; he's a real hero! He helped us by kicking over..."

"Amelia, I know! Hello!? I saw the whole thing!" Lina rolled her eyes. "C'mon, lets hide somewhere safe until the action clears up."  Lina took a step out of the hiding place, and found herself smack dab in front of two large doors. "Hey! It's a church!"

"Yey!"  Yelled the peanut gallery.

*********

Rezo screamed. "Where is Zelgadis!" He grabbed the nearest guard. "Tell me where he is and take him back to the church!"

The guard winced at the shouting. "Sir, he's walking into the church, sir."

Rezo blinked. "Um...." He squinted, even more that usual. "Well, make sure he's still walking to the church!.....Where are those gypsy girls?"

"I don't know sir."

"Go find them! Now!"

Gourry yawned and scratched his head under his helmet. "I'm still hungry. There has to be some food around here." A chicken dashed across his feet. "Wow a chicken! Food!" The chicken clucked in terror as Gourry chased it into the church.

********

Lina and Amelia tottered slowly in the church, amazed with the statues and stained glass windows. Amelia seemed to enjoy the peacefulness of the church, while Lina was getting rather impatient.

"I hope those guards are gone." Lina said with a twinge of annoyance in her voice

Amelia looked up at a beautiful statue. "Do you think anyone followed us in?"

*cluck cluck Ba-Caw!*

"Here chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken!" Gourry ran into Amelia in his hurry to catch the chicken. They tumbled together and slid across the glassy floor. Amelia landed on her side and Gourry on his back, the clang of his armor broke the church's silence.

"Ow.." Gourry moaned. "Hi." He smiled at Amelia, and Lina. 

Amelia pushed herself on her arms. "Miss Lina, its a guard!"

Gourry looked around. "Guard? Where?"

He reeled over backwards as he was kicked soundly in the gut by Lina's foot. "Ow! Hey! WhattdidIDO?"

Lina grabbed Gourry by his hair and yanked him up to her eye level. "How dare you follow us in a church to arrest us! We didn't do anything!"

Gourry looked at her wide-eyed. "Arrest you? I was only chasing after a chicken that was running in here."

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of!" The chicken runs across her feet. Lina just blinked and lets go of Gourry's hair. 

Amelia pointed out. "He wasn't lying. Maybe he's trying to help us."

"Yeah." Gourry smiled dumbly. "I guess I'm doing that. I'm so hungry I tend to forget things. My name is Gourry, it means 'pear-like fruit'."

Lina and Amelia look at each other. Amelia speaks up, "Isn't that a fig?"

Gourry smiles. "Oh yeah! That's what I had for breakfast! I don't know what my name means." He grins.

Rezo strolled over to the three people from where he was hiding with several guards by his side. "Good work Captain, you've found the gypsy girls. Bring them here."

Gourry picked himself up and looked at the two girls, Lina staring at him like has was a traitor.  "Um...um....They claim sanctuary, sir. We can't do anything."

Amelia and Lina are dumbstruck. "I didn't think he knew that word."

"Then bring them outside and arrest them!" Rezo felt a tap on the shoulder by the archdeacon.

The man looked down at Rezo was disapproval. "No you won't, minister. This is a house of god and everyone who claims sanctuary will be protected by the church."

Rezo snorted and stomped out of the church.

Amelia ran up and hugged the archdeacon. "Oh thank you so much!"

Lina nods to Gourry. "Uh....thanks Gourry. I believe I have some respect for you, for what you've done for us." Lina manages to smile at him a little.

Gourry does the same. "Sanctuary-much!" He laughs.

Lina frowns and scowls at him. "Okay, now that respect is gone."

Gourry doesn't hear and walks off.

The archdeacon and the two gypsies over hear Rezo yelling orders for all the guards to stand by all the entrances. Lina moans and Amelia whimpered.

"I'm sorry." The archdeacon said. "Maybe they'll let up. For now you can enjoy safety here."

Lina stomps her feet. "It's not fair! Why do people do things like this to people who are different. If I had my powers I could fire they're asses..I mean, if someone were to...uh, stand up to them things would be different. Nobody will help us."

"Maybe someone in here can," He says as he gestures to a cross on the wall as he walks back into another room. Lina and Amelia follow the gesture with they're eyes. The symbolic meaning has captured Amelia's heart.

Amelia stares up and takes a deep breath. "Miss Lina, I almost feel a song coming on."

"Just relax, Amelia. Its like gas, it'll go away in a little bit."

Amelia lets out a little burp. "Hey you're right!"

Zelgadis walked across the church hall with a basket of laundry. He glanced over his shoulder at the two girls. "Oh crap!"


	3. Fun in the Belltower

**_Author's Note__: Holy cripes, look at those reviews! Thanks so much! I now have a partner in crime with this story and my new co-writer is Crystalight33! Go check out her story "Slayers Lost in the Big City". Thanks for waiting._**

Chapter 3

Lina knocked Amelia in the shoulder. "Look! It's the Chimera! He'll get us out of here!" Zelgadis didn't waste time, he shot off the other direction carrying his dirty laundry with him.

The two girls chased the poor boy to the end of the church. "Please! We just want to talk with you!" Amelia yelled. The archdeacon walked out from behind a column, stopping them by raising a hand.

"You are in a church. If you're going to scream and yell, do it outside." The archdecon said calmly, pointing a finger at them. 

Lina hissed softly. "Very sorry 'bout that. But we can't scream and yell outside 'cause we'd get arrested if we went outside."

"I see. Well, carry on then…" He turned away from them to walk down the hall. "But do it quietly."

Lina and Amelia continued their chase and did it quietly. Shuffling their feet as they followed Zel doing one mile an hour. Zelgadis was doing the same, quietly jogging with his feet hardly lifting. "Let us talk to you." Amelia whispered to him, the sound of their feet scuffing against the polished floor.

"No!" Zelgadis hissed softly at her. "Leave me alone." *_scuff scuff******* He skidded further away from them with his laundry basket. **_

"Don't make come over there drop kick your ass!" *_scuff scuff* Lina shuffled after him as he started to pick up the pace up some winding staircase. _

Once Zel stepped onto the stairs he ran upwards calling down at her. "I'd really like to see you try!" Amelia and Lina started to run up the stairs after him. 

Hugo, Victor and Lavern were in the middle of playing strip poker gargoyle style. Victor spotted Zelgadis being chased by two girls. "Look at that. He's only gone out once and he's already pimpin' it out! Go Zegladis!"

Hugo had lost his hand at poker……literally. They didn't have any clothes, so they chisel off limbs. He was in the process of removing a hoof when he too saw Zelgadis. "Zelgadis' is finally gonna get some tail!" 

Lavern just shook her head and hopped down the ledge. "Hey Zelgadis!"

Zelgadis dove into the small belltower. "Need to hide need to hide!" 

Lina appeared from the stairs followed by Amelia. "We got you now! Tell how we can get out of here or I'll go medieval on your ass!"

Amelia huffed as she reached the top step. "What is with you and the word 'ass' today?"

Hugo clapped his hooves together. "I rather like the word 'ass'. Ass, ass, ass!"

"Lets make a point to say that word in every sentence." Victor said sarcastically.

"Okay. Can I 'ass' you a question?" Hugo got his snout smacked. "Hey! You could've chipped it!"

Lina turned her head to look at the three statues, looking at the now frozen gargoyles. "Wait. Were those here when we got here?"

Amelia shrugged, then got slapped on the butt by Hugo. "Hey! What did that!"

Zelgadis peeked out from a corner of the tower. "Perverts…"

"There you are!" Lina smiled evilly and bounded up another small set of steps to the very top of the tower. "We're gonna get ya n…..whoa."

Amelia too was in awe. In the small, upper ledge of the tower was a wooden replica of Paris, everything from the buildings to land sights and even the people. Zelgadis walked out from the corner nervously.

"You….you made of this?" Amelia ran her hand over the finely crafted church. "Oooh! Look at the people!"

Lina stooped down to eye the wooden figures. The people were in action poses, running away from something. Some were lying on the ground with red paint over them and a small wooden figure of Zelgadis standing in the belltower shooting at them with an M16. 

Amelia squealed. "It's so cute! Eeeee!"

Lina stepped away from her and gave a disturbed look.

Zelgadis looked curiously at Amelia's enthusiasm. "You like it?"

"Yeah! Look all the morose faces of the townspeople! It's so…..moving!"

Lina tapped Amelia. "We really need to get you out more." She picked up the figure of Minister Rezo with a knife in his back. "This adds a nice touch. If I could do this, I'd seriously need to channel my inner child." 

Lina wandered up to the belltower as Zelgadis was showing Amelia that if you pulled a string on the Zelgadis figure's back, you could hear a little "pop" and one of the townspeople would fall over.

As Lina wandered around the huge bells, she found the bell pull ropes.  With an evil grin, she made sure Zelgadis and Amelia were still playing with his dolls.  With a big leap, she grabbed one of the ropes and rung the bell.

*DONG*

Both Zelgadis and Amelia fell to the floor in surprise as the sound of the bell thundered through the small tower.

*DONG*

Lina laughed hysterically as she bounced up and down on the rope.  Then, she realized that she couldn't stop and the bell was ringing out of control.

*DONG*

"Do something!!!" Amelia cried, covering her ears.

*DONG*

Zelgadis got up and rushed towards Lina.

*DONG*

Zelgadis reached Lina and grabbed the rope, halting it immediately and causing Lina to fall on the floor.  The tower was still ringing from the noise of the bell.

"You idiot!!!  Do you realize what you've just done??  People are going to start closing their shops and going home because they think it's 5pm when it's really only noon!!!"

Lina just looked at him and yelled, "WHAT??  I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

Zelgadis covered his ears again and said, "You don't have to yell!"

"I'M SLOW AS A SNAIL??  YOU BASTARD!!" she replied and started to attack him, but she remembered he was made of stone and thought better of it.

Zelgadis glared at her. "Don't....yell... "I'm going to get some fresh air." He growled to himself as he walked out one of the belltower windows.

Amelia shot Lina in the bum with the Zelgadis figure. "Lina! Look what you did to Zelgadis."

Lina picked out a small little pellet from her dress. "What? He deserved it." She mumbled. "He's a jerk anyway. Those bells were asking for it!"

"Lets go cheer Zelgadis up, Lina." Amelia tugged on Lina's arm and dragged her to the belltower window. 

"How about we not." Lina hissed under throat.

"You wanna get out of the church doncha?" 

Lina sighed and agreed with a nod of her head. They saw Zelgadis leaning his upper body on his forearms on a part of the balcony. "Hey, Chimera of Notre Dame!"

Amelia pinched Lina. "Not like that!" She smiled and walked up to Zelgadis and sat on the ledge where he was resting his arms. "Hey Zelgadis. Why don't you want to talk to us?"

Zelgadis gave her a snotty look. "I don't like people."

"Oh come one, we're not all bad."

"You'd be surprised. My own mother turned me into a Chimera. At least, that's what I heard." He said with a hurt expression in his eyes. Amelia made a small squeak.

"Your own mother!? How terrible!"

Zelgadis nodded. "And…" He sneered at his next words. "Minister Rezo took me in when no one else would. I can't say I'm very grateful, cause he treats me like I'm idiot and loves to remind me every single day that I'm a monster." He turned to lean his back on the ledge and acted out Rezo his squinting his eyes closed. "Everyday it's 'Oh hi Zelgadis how is my ugly, unattractive adopted drone?' 'Have you grown any mold under your arms like the rest of the gargoyles?' 'You're so disgusting even the ugly stick wouldn't beat you.' 'Hey with a hair-cut like that, you could join the cast of "Cats".'

Amelia looked pathetically at Zelgadis. "That's terrible!"

"Yeah, and he's blind too. I don't understand why he'd be able to describe my appearance but still trap himself in a corner, banging into the same wall repeatedly. That's kinda fun to watch though."

Lina was hanging around the other side of the balcony hoping Amelia would ask him how to get out of the church. She looked over the side for second and then felt something right behind her. "Hey!" She almost tripped over a pig with bat wings gargoyle. "How'd that thing get under my dress? This place is creepy."

Amelia scooted closer to Zelgadis. "I don't think you're a monster."

"You're just saying that so I won't push you over the edge."

Amelia scooted away.

"No…." She stammered and scooted a little distance from him. "I'm just saying it. You have a lot of un monster-like qualities."

He rolled his eyes and looked out over the hozion. "Like what?" Not really caring.

"Well, um, you're nice…..sometimes." Amelia was trying very hard to think up some nice things. "And you have a nice shade of blue…."

Zelgadis glared her. Amelia stuttered, "….in you're eyes!"

Zelgadis blinked. "Really?"

"I think so." Amelia blushed.

Lina called from the other side of the balcony. "Tell him how hard he is!"

Amelia nodded her head. "And you're hard…" Her eyes grew with realization. "NO! I didn't mean that! LINA!" Lina snickered.

Zelgadis looked disgusted at the two girls. "See. This is why I hate people."

"Please Zelgadis!" Amelia pleaded. "You have some great qualities! Like….him….hey Lina?"

Lina walked up to them. "What?"

"You can read palms right?"

"A little. Why?"

Amelia took out Zelgadis' hand out of his own freewill and shoved it in Lina's face. "Read his palm!"

Lina pushed Zel's hand away from her face and sat down next to him with her his palm at a more comfortable distance. "Lets see her…..oh, see this here?"

Zelgadis tried to free his hand. "Just hurry and give me back my hand!"

Lina twisted it and he yelped. "Shut up or I'll break it off." Zel was surprised at her grip actually hurt his stone hand, so he stayed quiet. "Okay. You have a long life line….and this little bit here means you're a real jerk."

Amelia scolded. "Lina!"

"Okay okay. Um….this means you're shy…and…oh!" Lina genuinely looked perplexed at a marking in his hand.

Zelgadis found himself becoming very curious. "What?"

"This little crease here means you'll be rich one day. You'll build your house somewhere in France, put in a garden and….." Lina spit in his hand. "A swimming pool."

Zelgadis cursed and jerked his hand away and brush off Lina's saliva. "That's sick!"

Lina giggled. "I love doing that! Works every time!"

Zelgadis stood up and pointed at them. "I want the both of you out!"

Lina smiled and grabbed onto Amelia. "Perfect! But you have to tell us how?"

"Why? Just go downstairs and go out the doors." Zelgadis still kept his finger pointed.

They shook their heads. "We can't." Lina started. "We got in some serious trouble helping you out at the festival and Rezo almost had us arrested for it. Once we set foot outside the church we're dead meat."

Amelia whimpered a little. "Please Zelgadis. Can you tell us how we can get out of here so they won't see us?"

Zelgadis sighed and motioned with his eyes at the balcony. "Well, you can just jump off and climb down."

"Yeah!" Amelia said happily. "We can just jump off and……Jump off the balcony????"

Lina growled. "And climb down?? We'll get killed!"

"That's the whole point. They can't arrest you if you're already dead." Zelgadis shrugged and began to walk back inside the bell tower, but Lina jumped on his back and knocked him down. 

Forgetting how heavy Zelgadis was, Lina ended up knocking him and herself into Amelia and subsequently off the balcony.  Zelgadis managed to grab onto a gargoyle head and Lina grabbed his legs and Amelia dangled precariously off of Lina's ankle.  

"DO SOMETHING!!" Lina and Amelia shouted. Zelgadis was about to reply, but the gargoyle head broke off, sending all three of them hurtling towards the ground.  Fortunately, a metal roof was in their way.  They all breathed a sigh of relief, but then the metal slab they had landed on dislodged itself from the rest of the roof. 

 Sparks went flying everywhere as their makeshift sled slid down the roof.  They were about to slide off the roof when Zelgadis pushed Lina and Amelia off of it.  They rolled to the side as the metal slab crashed into a nearby alley causing the guards in the near vicinity to get a closer look.  Amelia looked at Zelgadis with big sparkly eyes.

"You saved us!" she said, to which Zelgadis sweatdropped and Lina rolled her eyes.  Amelia took off one of her bracelets and gave it to Zelgadis saying, "I want you to have this.  Remember, when you wear this woven band, you hold the city in your hand."

Zelgadis looked at it and said, "It's only a star….. how is this the city?" However, Amelia could only look at him with her big sparkly eyes.  He was about to shake her out of it when Lina got him in a headlock.

"When we get done with this story, I'm so gonna Dragon Slave your ass!" and with that, she grabbed Amelia and left a confused Zelgadis standing out in the alley.

He had just gotten back in his tower when he heard what sounded like a muffled squawk followed by footsteps coming up the steps leading to his room.

"Ugh, what now??" Zelgadis exclaimed.  He went to go investigate.  As he was going down the stairs, a chicken ran up between his legs followed by Gourry, except that Gourry didn't actually go between Zelgadis' legs.

"Hey man, let me by!  I want that chicken!"  Zelgadis just restrained Gourry as he said, "Look, I've already been bothered enough, so just go away and you won't get hurt."  Gourry wasn't paying him any attention.  Zelgadis sighed and said, "Hey, you know, there's another chicken downstairs.  A really big, fat, juicy one."  Before he even finished, Gourry was at the

foot of the stairs.  Zelgadis rolled his eyes and went up to his tower to think.

Unfortunately, thinking was out of the question.

"Hey Zel! Buddy!" Hugo hopped on his stump up and down as Zelgadis climbed up to his room.

"Hugo just go away, I don't want to talk to you." Zelgadis growled and passed him.

The gargoyle followed him. "I'll go away IF you tell me what you were doing down there." He nudged him and wiggled an eyebrow.

"I got rid of the girls, that's it."

Victor and Lavern joined their friend. "You mean you helped the girls." Lavern grinned.

Zelgadis shook his head. "They wouldn't leave me alone."

Victor pointed at him. "I see you're blushing. You liked that Amelia girl." He hid the bracelet behind his back and blushed harder.

"Ya stud." Lavern giggled. Hugo and Victor looked strangely at her. "What?"

The chimera climbed up to his bed and layed down. "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't like either of them, especially that Lina girl…"

Hugo held up his hoof. "Then I can I have her? I've always had a thing for redheads."

Victor rolled his eyes. "You've always had a thing for limestone too…..in the worst way. But we won't get into that."

"Thank you."  Was Zelgadis' muffled reply as he covered his head with a pillow.

"Oh 'ass' if I really cared." 

"Hugo! Will you stop that!"

- - - - - - -

Meanwhile at the Palace of Justice Minister Rezo was in his chamber, listening to the echoes of the Latin chanting filtering up to his room. Everyone knows that Latin chanting is wonderful to hear, but if you've listened to the chanting for more than forty years it gets very annoying. So Rezo had to figure how to give it a beat.

Rezo was dancing by his fireplace. "I'm too sexy for my robe! Too sexy for my robe! Too sexy it……what rhymes with robe?! Soge? Foge?….er….um…..I'm too sexy for my hat! Too sexy for my…."

"Sir!" A guard called from his door. Rezo nearly squeaked and and adjusted his clothes.

"Yes?"

"The gypsy girls, they've escaped!"

  
  


to be continued…… 


	4. The Burning of Paris

Chapter 4

"They escaped?" Rezo roared out from the square in front of Notre Dame. He clenched his fists by his side. "Inconceivable! The church was guarded at every door!"

The guard sighed and nodded in agreement. "We're very sorry, sir."

"You should be! We have to find those gypsy girls and arrest them!" Rezo's balled up fist shook wildly, knocking a few guards in the head in his flailing. 

Gourry, who had been present during all of this, raised his hand from the crowd of guards like a little kid in first grade. "Minister Rezo! Why do you want them arrested again?"

Rezo marched up to his black horse and used the stirrup to reach the saddle. "They've caused me too much trouble as it is and I can't think of anything else to do with my time….That and I'm evil! EVIL I SAY!"

The guards just stared him. One of them coughed a little.

"We're off!" Rezo sat on his horse and pointed in front of him.

Gourry poked one of the guards. "Should we tell him he's facing the horse the other way?"

"He'll figure it out." The guard yawned and followed the backward horseman down the street.

- - - - - -

"Honey, what's going on outside?" A woman said from her seat at the table. Her husband was looking out the window.

"It looks like Minister Rezo!" The miller said.

"How can you tell, dear?"

"He's the only man in Paris that rides his horse backwards."

"Ask him if he wants dinner!"

The miller guy walked out and waved to Rezo and his guards. "Minister Rezo, what has brought you to our humble home?"

Rezo turned his horse so he was facing the man. "We've heard you've been harboring fortune tellers in your 'humble home'."

"What? That's nonsense! We don't harbor fortune tellers!" The miller yelled.

From inside the house a bad accented voice rang. "Call for yo free readin' now!"

Gourry's jaw dropped. "Hey! It's Miss Cleo!"

"I knew it!" Rezo snarled. "Get her out!"

The miller pushed himself in front of the guards. "But she's not a fortune teller!" Guards poured into the house and drug out a woman in the bad outfit. 

"Git yo stinkin' honds off me clothes, mon!" 

"Why is she talking like that?" One of the guards asked.

"I donno. Sound gypsyish?" A guard shrugged.

"Why yes. Yes it does. Seize her!" Rezo pointed the other way, but the guards know well enough who they were suppose to capture. "Do you know of any certain gypsy girls? One has red hair, the other black. I demand that you tell me!"

Miss Cleo made a few nervous glances at him. "Um…..I don't know…"

"Fifty pieces of silver says you do." Rezo pushed a fist full of coins in her face.

"I…..um …"

Rezo sighed. "Arrest her."

"NO WAIT! I really need the money! Just let me get my tarot cards!……mon!" The guards cuffed her and drug her off.

"See, I told you she wasn't a fortune teller." The miller said.

Rezo frowned at him. "But she is a gypsy. Step into your house please." The miller shrugged and opened his door and walked in. Rezo took a torch from a nearby guard and gave it to Gourry.

"Burn it."

Gourry's eyes popped out. "What?"

"Two words. Burn and it. Put them together and what do you get?"

"I can't do that!" Gourry whimpered, holding the torch away from him.

Rezo advanced him. "And why not?"

"My mother always told me not to do three things: Don't steal, don't hit a lady, and don't burn down people's houses with the people still in it." Gourry sighed sadly. "I can't do it, sir." He dropped his torch in a barrel of water.

A large crowd had gathered around the mill to watch. Lina and Amelia were hiding amongst the people watching the scene. "It's Mr. Gourry!" Amelia whispered to Lina.

"And he didn't burn down the house. So he does have some sense." Lina said softly.

"You stupid jerk!" Rezo spat him. He grabbed another torch and lit the hay roof himself. "Your mother is a fool!"

The house caught on fire and the mill was ablaze with flames and frightened shrieks echoed from inside. "The green beans are burning!" The wife screamed.

Gourry couldn't take it anymore. "NO! Not the green beans! I love green beans!" He jumped into the blazing house and jumped out with a small child under his arm and a pot of green beans with the miller and his wife following.

 Rezo quickly ordered a guard to hold Gourry down. "Now you have to be punished!"

Two guards held him in a kneeling position while another guard stood above him with a sword poised over Gourry's neck. 

Gourry looked up in horror at Rezo. "OH no! You're going to give me a bad haircut???"

Rezo blinked. "No, we're going to kill you."

Gourry sighed. "Oh whoo. For a moment I thought…..Kill me? I don't want that either!"

"That just too bad." Rezo growled.

Amelia had a few whimpering sounds. "Oh Miss Lina! What should we do?"  Lina thought for a moment and fiddled with the end of her dress.

"I know!" Lina gave a sharp whistle. "Look everybody! It's Jesus and he came to party!" 

As planned everyone, including Rezo, turned to look. Gourry turned his head to the side. "Jesus? Where? …"

"Run Gourry run!" Amelia and Lina screamed as the enemies were distracted. Gourry blinked a few times and got the idea. He jumped onto Rezo's horse and raced down to the bridge over the Siene river.

"Shoooot hem! Shooot hem!" Rezo yelled wildly. How he knew Gourry ran away we will never know.

Arrows flew in Gourry's direction but missed everytime. Gourry suddenly felt something in his eye. "AHHH! EYE LASH!" And in his struggle to remove the nasty thing he fell off the horse and into the river.

A loud "Huzzah!" rang from the guards.

"Let him rot like the dog he is!" Rezo snarled and got back on his horse, the wrong way of course, and rode back to the city with his henchmen following. "Lets go burn down Paris, men!"

"Oh no! Gourry fell in the water!" Amelia cried.

Lina squinted her eyes and gave Amelia one of her 'looks'. "I KNOW! C'mon, maybe he has money on him!"

The two girls jumped into the river.

- - - - - - -

_Meanwhile……Back at the bell tower…_

Zelgadis was doing a few finishing touches on a wooden figure of Amelia. On the table was her bracelet, which he occasionally looked at from the corner of his eye while he worked. When the Amelia figure was finished he glanced around to see if anyone was watching so he could hide it a small box.

"Hey Zelgadis! Whatcha got there?" Hugo popped out from behind his seat. Zelgadis almost screamed in surprise, clutching his heart to catch his breath.

"Don't DO that ?" Zelgadis growled. He gasped when Hugo found his box and picked up the wooden Amelia figure. "It's not what you think!"

Hugo grinned and held it up. "She needs bigger boobs."

"Stop that! Give it back!" Zelgadis leapt at him and he chased Hugo around the belltower, stirring the other two gargoyles.

"What's going on!" Lavern shouted.

"Zelly has a girlfriend! Zelly has a girlfriend!" Hugo laughed and he paraded around Victor and Lavern with the figure. Zelgadis tackled him and pinned him down. "Oh Zelly! I like it when you're rough!"

"GAH! GIVE IT BACK!" Zelgadis screamed and grabbed his prize.

Lavern and Victor hopped up to Zelgadis and patted him on the back. "Aw, it's nothing to be ashamed about." Victor said soothingly. "We know she likes you too."

Zelgadis sighed and put the figure back on the table with the others. "No she doesn't. Who would want a stone freak like me."

"HEY!" The gargoyles said offended. 

"I'm not talking about you!"

Hugo took Zel's hand and led him to the balcony. "Zel, Zel. You've got a lot cut out for you. We've seen the way she looks at you."

Zelgadis spun around to face Hugo. "You saw us? You were spying!"

"We're bored okay! It's not like we have a huge social calendar filled up!" Victor lectured. "Plus we think that Amelia would actually come back here to visit you."

"I don't think so." Zelgadis groaned.

"If you don't agree to what we're saying, we'll just have to sing it to you." Hugo said with a grin.

Zelgadis blinked and faked a smile. "Why yes! I do believe we can be together! We'll get married up here in the belltower! Have six kids, three of which that will eventually be thrown off the balcony because Hugo wanted to see if they bounced!"

"That sounded like sarcasm…" Victor pointed out.

Zelgadis gave Victor a fake dumbfounded look. "Realllly?"

Hugo hopped on the table. "That's it! We're singing!"

"Oh god…." Zelgadis puts in his fingers in his ears as Hugo begins to sing.

Paris, the city of morons

Is glowing this evening

"Maybe because it's because the buildings are on fire…." Zelgadis snorted.

Somewhere out there in the dark

Someone's has a beating heart

And I know the dude that heart is

Beating for

A dude like you

She likes ya a lot

A dude like you

Is so incredibly unique, yo

You've got a look

That's all your own

Could there be two?

**Victor and Laverne **

Like you?

**All Three **

Hell no

**Hugo **

Those other guys

With pink flesh, sir

All commute the same

And you can't tell 

who it is you've screwed!

You're so different

You've even got texture

Sweet lord above

She's gotta love

A dude like you

**Victor **

A dude like you

Gets all the glory

Because it's true

You've got something no one else has

**Hugo **

(spoken) It's that stone texture, wink wink, nudge nudge!

**Laverne **

You see that hair

You won't forget it

**Victor and Laverne **

Want something else?

**Hugo **

That's Zel

**All Three **

Hell yeah!

**Laverne **

We all have seen

Perfect sculptured figures

**Victor **

But why not have a stone figure

That talks and moves 

**Hugo **

And since you've got

Great chiseled features

**All Three **

No questions asked

They'll give a rat's ass

For a Dude like you!

**Laverne **

Call me delusional

But Zelly, you've got it

**Victor **

She wants you so

I promise you you're going to score!

**All Three **

Fore! 

(make golf swinging motions. Hugo yells, "Hole in one!" Zel blushes)

**Hugo **

A dude so great

**Victor and Laverne **

A dude like you

**Hugo **

I tell ya Zel

**Victor and Laverne **

There never was

**Hugo **

It's why she fell

**Victor and Laverne **

….we forgot our lines..

**Hugo **

For you-know-who

**Victor and Laverne **

They'll stop and stare-a

**All Three **

Cause you're one gorgous chimer-a!

Who wants a goddess

When they can have a Zelgadis

She will get her man

With a stony-like can

Who wouldn't love a dude

Like you?

She's gotta love

A dude like you!

The music ends and the gargoyles start clapping. "We were great! You da man, Victor!"

"No you da man, Hugo!" 

Zelgadis shakes his head. "I hate musicals. Especially when they're about me."

- - -

to be continued


	5. Uncreative Chapter Title

Chapter 5

Lina and Amelia drug an unconscious Gourry through the streets of Paris. "I can't believe the Captain of the Guard doesn't have a cent on him! What gives?" Lina complained as she held Gourry's arm with his feet dragging behind them.

"He probably ate his money…" Amelia wondered, holding his other arm.

"Nah. Coins don't go down properly with the system. Like one morning I woke up and…"

Amelia blinked and stared at Lina from over Gourry's shoulder. "You've eaten money before???!"

"No…" Lina coughed. "Look. We have to stash Gourry somewhere so we can get back to the Court of Secrets."

They gave a groan as Gourry began getting heavy again and they continued walking down to the church. Amelia nodded in agreement. "Maybe Mr. Zelgadis could take care of him."

Lina laughed. "Oh I think not! Do you really think that ugly, disrespectful chimera would really take care of Gourry?"

"Maybe." Amelia smiled gently and her and Lina lifted Gourry a little to put him on the steps of the church. "Do you think he would be safe if we left him on the steps?"

"Probably not. But who cares!" Lina cracked and stretched her back from carrying the heavy guy. "So, which way to the Court of Secrets, Amelia?"

"Let me get my bracelet…" Amelia put her hands in her pockets and grimaced. "Oh my…"

"What?"

"I forgot that I gave my bracelet to Mr. Zelgadis!" Amelia sighed.

"You what! We need that bracelet to show us how to get home! Even though we've lived there for many many years we still don't know the way there!"

"Strange how that works.." Amelia wondered. "That's the problem with movies, they fade in and out of scenes so much that you forget where you live. Let's go up to the belltower with Gourry and get my bracelet!"

The two girls heaved Gourry off the steps and into the church. They drug in up to the belltower by his arms with the rest of him dragging on the stone steps.

- - - - - -

Zelgadis sighed and sat on the balcony, flicking little rocks off and into the streets below. Each pebble he threw doubled in speed as they fell. He stood up and walked away before he could hear a loud crash from the pebble and a shrill scream. "Grandma! NO!"

He crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm really really really REALLY starting to get bored."

"Welcome to our life, son." Laverne said from the table with the other gargoyles playing with the little wooden figures. 

Hugo was playing with the Zel and Amelia one. "Oh Mr. Zelgadis! I love you so much! Lets go behind the altar and make mad, passionate…"

"HUGO!" Zelgadis blushed and grabbed the Amelia figure away from. "You're singing was enough! Don't go and have fantasies about me and her in front of me too!"

The pig gargoyle winked at him. "Like you don't."

Zelgadis growled and blushed again. "It's not like that. It's not like I'm ever going to see her again. She wouldn't come up here in a million years."

"Mr. Zelgadis?" A sweet voice sang out from the steps.

Zelgadis' heart leaped in spite of itself. "Amelia! You….I can't believe it!" The gargoyles smiled and nudged each other.

He ran over to her and stopped when he saw Lina and Gourry come into view. "Gourry got hurt after saving the miller's family. Can he stay here? Please?" Lina asked.

Zelgadis snorted. "No."

Lina pushed past him, taking Gourry with her. "We'll take that as a yes!" Zel growled as Lina put Gourry in his bed.

"Listen here! You can't just go into people's rooms with unconscious people!"

Lina gave him a sharp glare. "I don't really care, Zelgadis. We didn't have any other place to put him, and we're not taking him to our home!"

Zelgadis opened his mouth again to say something when Amelia came into his view. "Please, Mr. Zelgadis?" His angered face softened and he sighed with his eyes narrowed.

"I guess so….but only until he's better. Who knows where he's been."

Amelia smiled and hugged him. Zelgadis stiffened.

"You just came up to put the guard up here?" Zel asked, hoping for another excuse.

"I had another reason too." 

Zelgadis' eyes lit up. "Yes? Yes?"

"I want my bracelet back. Please."

Zelgadis sweatdropped. Hugo made a dive bomb sound from the ledge.

"Oh……that's what you wanted. I thought you gave it to me."

Amelia looked very flustered. "I'm sorry, I really am! Lina and I need it to find out way home!"

Zel blinked. "You don't even know where you live?" She nodded. "Okay……" He walked over to the table and gave the bracelet back to her with a sad sigh.

Lina leaned over Gourry and took out a wet cloth out of nowhere to dab his forehead. She heard him snore loudly and turn on his side. "Hey! Wake up, we thought you were hurt!" She smacked him.

"OUCH!" Gourry opened his eyes and then closed them again. "Oh my eye!"

Lina looked at his face. "What's wrong?"

Gourry gave a pained expression. "Eye……..lash…."

"Oh for the love of…Here! Open your eye!"

"No! It hurts!"

"OPEN YOUr EYES OR I'LL GOUGE THEM OUT WITH MY NAILS!"

Gourry opened his eyes. 

Lina took out the wet cloth and wiped it around one of the eyes. "There, was that so hard?"

"Yes…." Gourry blinked. "You got it out!" He looked up at her and they locked eyes for a long moment. "Oh wow. Your eyes are the most beautiful shade of……red. All puffy and blood shot. "

Lina smacked him. "That's the worse thing to say to a girl! You're not romantic at all! Damn you!" She whapped him again and he cried out.

"OW! ANOTHER EYE LASH!"

Lina got up and stomped away. Amelia held up her bracelet to Lina, but she only grabbed her wrist and tugged her downstairs. Zel rolled his eyes at Lina and then looked sadly at the Amelia figure. He tucked her into the box and shut it.

- - - - - -

Rezo rubbed his temples in thought. "I've looked through every part of the city and burned half of it. I can't find those girls anywhere! I even had the guards at every door of the church, I don't understand it."

Lina and Amelia were walking down the street where Rezo was. Amelia said happily to Lina, "That was so nice of Zelgadis to take care of Gourry. I told you he was a good guy! He even helped us, two gypsy girls on the run, escape from the church by taking us down the belltower!"

They froze when they saw Rezo standing before them. He didn't seem to notice, but only scratched his chin. They gave each other a glance and then took off. "You don't think he heard us?"

Rezo rubbed his chin. "I have a sinking feeling that Zelgadis helped the two gypsy girls on the run escape from the church by taking them down the belltower. My god, how do I do it? I'm so smart! It's no wonder why I'm the villain in this story!" He laughed evilly and made his way to the church.

- - - - - -

Zel poked Gourry in the side. "Move it, I want to go to bed." Gourry was curled up on Zelgadis' bed and refused to move.

"I'm hurt and injured! I need the bed to recover!"

"For God's sake, it's just a damn eye lash!"

"Well it's a BAD eye lash!"

Hugo held up a coin to show Victor. "I bet you one coin that Zel's gonna kick Gourry's ass."

"You're on." 

Rezo walked up to Zel's loft. "Zelgadis? Zelgadis, you piece of puke….I mean, dear. Where are you?"

Zel gasped and dragged Gourry from his bed. "I gotta hide you or Rezo will kill me!" He pushed Gourry under the table, kicking his legs to fit them completely under. Putting a long tablecloth over it to cover him, he spun around to face his master.

"There you are, Zelgadis. I want to have a word with you." Rezo said singsong like while carrying a basket.

Zelgadis looked at the basket. "What's that for?"

Rezo managed to sit down at a chair and put the basket on the table. "It's for you." He pulled back the cloth on top of the basket. "Have some cookies. It's chocolate chip, you're favorite."

"You've never given me cookies. I can't have a favorite." Zel droned, looking into the basket.

Rezo forced a smile. "But you'll love them! Here, have one!"

Zel picked up one and stared at it. Before he took a bite Rezo added, "I made them myself." Zel put down the cookie.

"Oh really. You're blind, but you can make cookies." He held it away and pretended to chew on it. "Good…mm…Tasty. Thanks." Zel put the cookie on the table and it accidentally fell onto the floor. To his horror Gourry reached out and ate it and chewed it, making a loud crunching sound. 

Rezo's ears perked up. "Having another one, are we? On the floor too?" Zel yelped and got a cookie and ate it for real to cover up the sound from the floor.

"Mmm mm!" He made as many loud crunching noises as possible. Zel finally tasted it and almost retched. "OH dear god!"

"Is it realy that good?" Rezo smiled.

Zel nodded his head while his eyes watered up. "Uh huh.."

"Well, now would be a good time to tell that I'm going to attack the gypsies' hideout! I found the place after twenty years of searching and badda-boom, there it was! Good thing you don't have any friends down there or you'd probably want to go and help them. But you don't so, oh well. I must go, enjoy your cookies you miserable sack of…..I mean you sweet, respectable boy." Rezo got up and left the belltower.

The first thing that came to Zel's mind was to empty his stomach of the cookies and threw up off the balcony. 

Gourry got out from under the table. "Oh no! Rezo is gonna kill the gypsies! We gotta help them!"

Zelgadis wiped his mouth. "It can't be worse than making them eat his cookies, oh jeez…I can still taste it."

"We have to find them!"

Zel held up his hand. "Listen, Rezo can't find the hideout. He's the only powerful man in Paris that hates gypsies, and he's blind. You do the math."

Gourry looked confused and grabbed his shoulder. "But what if he did! You don't want Lina and Amelia to die!"

Zelgadis' heart did that leaping thing at the sound of Amelia's name. "Amelia…." He growled and pouted. "Don't worry, nothing is going to happen."

Gourry frowned. "You don't care?" Zel didn't say anything. "Well I'm gonna find them and help them anyway…" He ran down the stairs humming the Indiana Jones theme until his voice faded away.

The chimera stood alone in his belltower. He looked down at his Amelia figure on the floor and picked it up. Zel waited for someone to tell him to go and find her, but no one did. He turned to the gargoyles that were napping on the ledge. "Hey guys! Aren't you gonna tell me to help them?"

Hugo yawned. "Why would we do that?"

"Because it's the right thing to do and it's in the script….Wait! Are you doing that reverse psychology on me? You have to be doing that! If you insist I will go find them!" Zelgadis grabbed his cloak and raced downstairs.

The gargoyles shrugged and went back to sleep. 

- - - - -

Gourry was having a hard time trying to decide which road to take. "If I were a gypsy where would I hide…" He looked under one of the wagons. "Nope not there. Hmmm."

"Hey Gourry."

"Zelgadis! You going to find the hideout and save them?" Gourry clapped his hands together.

Zel put the cowl up closer to his face. "Yes. We have to hurry. If Rezo knows we have to beat him to it. But where to start? I wish I could have kept that bracelet Amelia had."

Gourry leaned up against a wall. "Maybe it won't be as hard as you think." Zel glanced up at the wall.

"Don't tell me that's what I think it is…"

"What's what?"

The both of them looked at the one wall. There was a line of words written in big white letters that read, 'Court of Secret This Way' followed by arrows.

Zelgadis banged his head against the wall. "Tell me this is a joke!"

Gourry blinked at the words. "What does it say? Sorry I can't read."

"Quite frankly no one in Paris can. My god, if I have come down from that belltower I would have been the smartest man here. I HATE irony!"

"I hate irony too! I can keep putting wrinkles in my shirts."

Zelgadis squeezed his eyes shut. "How bad are these jokes going to get?" He looked up at the wall and walked to where the arrows were pointing. "We might as well follow them. 'I need the bracelet to find our way home', my twenty-pound stone ass."

To be continued….


	6. Ready to Rumble

Chapter 6

Gourry and Zelgadis followed the painted arrows out of the city, Gourry making a squealing sound everytime they found another arrow. The arrows were leading them to a large cemetery outside the city. Walking past many tombstones they came to a very large and very scary grave.

"Look Zelgadis! A very large and very scary grave!" He gulped. "Wanna go look somewhere else?"

Zel looked at the tombstone with the words painted in white letters, 'Court of Secrets, please wipe your feet.' He motioned for Gourry to help him move the grave covering out of the way. 

"Lets go." Zel jumped down and climbed inside. Gourry tripped and fell in and splashed into the murky water below. "Hey!" Zel snarled as Gourry got water on the back of his hood, "Watch it!"

Gourry picked himself up and made a face at the rank smell from the inside. Zel surveyed the area they were in. "Looks like the old catacombs. A clever hiding place I have to admit."

"It is a good hiding place 'cause who'd wanna come in here! It smells like Poo-Gas!" Gourry pinched his nose with his fingers.

s

They trudged through the sewage water down into the tunnel. "The Court of Secrets could be right at the end of this tunnel." Zelgadis and Gourry carried on, trying not to make too much noise.

Gourry glanced around the walls of the tunnels. "Hey Zel. Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched?"

Zel sighed, "Everytime someone says that, something always pops up a second later." 

"HOO HAH!" Men dropped down from the high walls of the catacomb and pinned them down.

Zelgadis lifted his face from the water. "I hate it when my logic is right…"

Suddenly the tunnel was lit with torches and the men holding them came into their view. Every one of them had on a purple, shoulder length hair wig with black mouse ears sticking from the sides.

"What on earth.." Zel looked confused at the captors, then looked up at the man standing right before them.

"Well, well, well. What have we here?" The ringleader of the group had REAL shoulder length purple hair and a blue hat with a yellow feather on top. "I see you've found the Court of Secrets. Now you must be punished."

"But!" Gourry and Zel cried, but were cut off as the men gagged them and held them up in the air and began to sing.

_Who's the leader of the band _

_That's great for you and me! _

_X-E-L_

_L-O-S_

_…..uh…S-S-_

_S-S-S-S!_

The paraded down the tunnel with Gourry and Zel as they continued to sing.

_Xellos!_

"Donald Duck!"

Zel hissed at Gourry. "Stop that!"

Gourry blushed. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself…" They were taken inside a tunnel that led to a large room filled with tents and decorations.

"Looks like a New Orleans New Years party threw up in here!" Zel thought to himself at the colorful tents and wagons and a large banner that read 'The Court of Secrets; The Happiest Place on Earth'.

Xelloss threw two nooses around their necks and led them to a platform for everyone to see. He danced around laughing and had them stand straight on the wooden platform and stood before the large crowd of gypsies. "My brothers and sisters! We have caught two intruders in our hideaway! And you know what we do to intruders, don't you?"

"Yes we do!" The crowd roared.

The purple headed guy laughed again and grinned at Zel and Gourry. "Prepare for your punishment, gentlemen!"

Zelgadis and Gourry shut their eyes, readying themselves for the torment. Xelloss magically took out a ball and threw it into the air. "Follow the bouncing ball!" And the crowd began to sing.

_Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!_

_Even though the sound of it _

_Is something quite atrocious_

_If you say it loud enough_

_You'll always sound precocious_

_Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!_

The ball Xelloss threw was bouncing on the subtitled lyrics that had appeared in the air. The ball also had a purple wig with black mouse ears.

Zel almost fell to his knees. "Oh what a horrible song! Stop! STOP!" Gourry on the other hand was enjoying it and clapped his hands to the beat.

Gourry sang along. "Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay! WOO! This is so much fun!"

"STOP!" A voice rang out and stopped the song immediately. Filia ran down to the platform and pointed a finger in Xelloss' face. "You're such an idiot! What's your problem with these stupid songs?"

Zelgadis spoke up from the platform. "Yeah! They're horrible!"

Filia squinted at the mouse ears on the fake wigs. "What is this all about? I thought you only liked evil things! How are Mickey Mouse ears evil?"

Xelloss crossed his arms over his chest. "Give me a good reason why they're not."

Filia thought for moment. "Yeah, I guess you're ri….No! I'm not supposed to agree with you! Jerk!"

Xelloss stuck his tongue out. "Flake!"

"I'd like to rip off your arms and beat you with them!"

"Well I'd like to gouge your guts out with a giant shoe horn!"

"Loser!"

"Wench!!"

"Jerk!"

"You already said that…"

"I did? Did I call you a moron yet?"

"Nope."

"MORON!"

Zelgadis and Gourry just exchanged looks. Zel sighed, "I think I preferred the singing.."

"Really?" Gourry smiled, "Here's a good one! Under da sea! Under da…."

Zel kicked him in the leg. "Don't start that again! Where the hell are Amelia and Lina when you need them?"

Rezo suddenly burst into the court. "Bahahahahaha! Cringe in fear you vermin!" But nobody was paying attention to him, only to Xelloss and Filia yelling at each other. "Um….hey? I'm arresting all of you? Don't you care?"

Xelloss and Filia glared at each other then back at Rezo. "Look what you did now, Xelloss. Now what are you going to do? Huh? Huh?"

"Well if you think you're so smart you take care of it." Xelloss put his back to her.

Filia did the same. "Well I'm not going to, so there!"

Rezo growled when they didn't do anything. "Pay attention to me, damn you!! ARREST ALL OF THEM! NOW!"

Lina and Amelia came walking into the court. "What's all this screaming about…….oh crap. Rezo!"

"New plans gentlemen." Rezo held up a hand. "Arrest everyone. But burn them." He gestured to Amelia and Lina.

Lina bit her lip. "Oh double crap." Amelia began to cry.

"But I'm so young! I never got to see Paris!" Amelia paused for a moment. "…. wait a minute…"

Rezo chuckled evilly with his posse of guards as they tied up the gypsies. One of the guards grabbed Zelgadis and Gourry, and Rezo smiled down at the chimera. "Well, it seems that I finally found a good use for you besides one hell of a door stop. I just followed you down here."

"You had to follow us to find this place?" Zel rolled his eyes. "My god you have problems."

Gourry shrugged. "Most people do."

Amelia struggled against her bonds and jerked her head to Zelgadis. "I know this isn't your fault, Zelgadis! Even if I do burn to death it's not your fault!"

Zel sighed. "Amelia, technically it is my fault.." Gourry nudged him.

"Don't ruin it, man. She's letting you off scott free!" Zelgadis just narrowed his eyes at him. Rezo and his men piled up the gypsies and our heroes to the streets above.

- - - - - -

The crowd was gathered around after dinner for a horrid, but entertaining display of the annual burning in from of Notre Dame. The gypsies were all in cages, facing the center of the square where Lina and Amelia were tied up to a stake.

"This is all your fault, Amelia." Lina whined.

"No it's not, Lina!"

"Well it has to be someone's fault. Wait, it's Zelgadis' fault!"

Amelia squirmed on her stake. "It's not his fault either! He was tricked!"

"Whatever.." Lina sighed.

Rezo walked up the stairs with a long list in his hand. "So glad you could join us this evening." He smiled at the crowds of people. "Lets see what this list says…." He tried to focus on the list for a long long moment. "This would go a lot faster if I could actually see! See if you can read it, Dilgear."

Dilgear the executioner took the list from him and scratched his neck and cleared his throat. "We are gathered here today to join…"

"Read the other paragraph!" Rezo growled.

"Would the owner of a white horse cart please come to the Palace of Justice, your wagon is parked illegally…"

"READ THE OTHER PARAGRAPH!"

Dilgear flipped the list over. "Okay…..erm….For disrupting a public gathering, being a pain in the ass, and using deformed people without a license to escape buildings, the punishment is….Death!" 

Bum Bum BUM!

Lina raised an eyebrow. "We already figured that out! We are tied to wooden stakes ya know!"

"Yeah! Plus we have to wear these ugly white shirts! Why white? Don't they show more dirt?" Amelia asked from her position next to Lina.

Rezo smiled a very evil smile. Think 'Grinch' smile.' "Light the stakes, Dilgear."

 - - - - - -

Zelgadis was doing his usual thing up in the belltower; feeling sorry for himself. He was chained up against the pillars overlooking the town square. "Well this sucks."

"Then do something about it!" Hugo says, trying to break the chain with his teeth. "You're the hero in this story!"

"I don't care!" Zel snapped. "The story is so clique anyway, and no matter how much these stupid people need me to act heroic, I'm not doing it! And Amelia doesn't like me that way!" He just hung in his chains with his head down.

The gargoyles huddled together to think up some way to get Zel down there. They got an idea. Hugo hopped up to Zel's face. "Um Zel?"

"What?"

"If you don't that Xelloss guy will probably save the day…"

Zelgadis blinked and looked up at him. "The guy with the stupid hat?"

"Yep."

Zel growled. "I can't….let him do that!"

The gargoyles chimed together. "Soooooo?"

"Fine!" He broke the chains with no problem. "I'll do the 'right' thing, then!" Zel ran off to the side of the balcony and glanced down. "That's…..that's Amelia down there!"

Hugo hopped up on the railing. "And Lina! Ah man, Rezo is gonna burn them to a crisp in the KFC Original style!"

Zelgadis felt his anger rise and he grabbed a VERY long rope that just happened to be in the bell tower and leapt down, swinging down into the square. "I'm coming Amelia!"

- - - - -

Lina and Amelia coughed from the smoke in their lungs.  Lina choked, "This is not good for my pores! Amelia, I just want to apologize to you for all the times I gave you shit and…"

Amelia had already passed out.

"Why is it that every time I say I'm sorry to someone they're always unconscious."

Gourry was in his cage trying to fit his head through the bars to see the action. "I can't see! Maybe if I open this cage door I can get out!" He waved over to a guard. "Can ya let me out?"

The guard laughed in his face. Gourry frowned, "Please?" The guard stopped laughing. 

"Uh….okay." 

"Thanks! Hey, what's that up there!" Gourry was looking up at the sky at a man swinging down from the tower.

The guard looked up. "Where?"

"Up there." Gourry swung his arm around, accidentally knocking it across the guard's head. "Oh sorry! Do you want your keys back? Oh well."

Lina cheered when she saw Zelgadis swinging down to the platform. "We're saved! We're saved!" Zel landed by the stakes, grabbed up Amelia and swung back to the belltower. "Hey! What about me! I'm dying too!" She coughed and groaned, then tried blowing back the flames.

Rezo blinked. "Why is the crowd cheering? Has they're skin melted yet?" 

A guard yelled to him. "The Chimera just saved the gypsy girl! One of them!"

"AHHH!" Rezo snarled. "This really frosts my cupcakes! After him!"

- - - - -

Zelgadis held Amelia in one arm and climbed up the rope with the other. He reached the top and put Amelia gently in his bed. Zel gave her a slightly worried expression and said softly to her, "Just stay here, you'll be safe….I think. If you disagree say something." Amelia was still unconcious. "Alrighty then." 

He ran off to the edge and saw guards scaling their way up to the belltower. "What the hell are these guys' problem?" Zel ran to the side and saw some big vats of melting building material. "I wonder why I haven't noticed those before." 

Zel glanced back at the guards, then back at the pots. He grinned and pushed the pots over and poured them out over the guards. He was greeted by the sounds of their screams and watched them fall. "Sweet."

The gargoyles annoyingly joined in, leaving Zel to go back to tend to Amelia.

- - - - -

Gourry set to unlocking the gypsies' cages crying out, "Free!!", after each cage. He looked around for some more unlocking when he saw Lina up on the platform.

"Hey Lina! What are you doing up there!"

"I'm dying! Get up here and save me!" Lina wiggled as much as she could. 

"But I'll get burnt!"

"If you don't get up here I'll fry and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

"You don't have to bite my head off…." Gourry jumped up and quickly untied her. "Now what?"

Lina put her hands on her hips. "Get the townspeople to riot or something! "

"A riot, huh." Gourry got up on a cage to get the people's attention. He thought for a second. "Um…..Long Live Rock!"

"HUZZAH!" Yelled the people, and just like in a rock concert brawls they started attacking everything in sight, including the guards.

As the people attacked they knocked over a stock, freeing five old geezers dressed in Justice Super Hero uniforms (from Slayers Try). "We're Free! We're Free!" Then they fell into a man hole. "Dangit!"

- - - -

Zelgadis chuckled in spite of himself. "The Parisians are finally attacking Rezo! This day wasn't so bad after all." He walked over to the sleeping Amelia and shook her gently. "Amelia! Rezo is losing! I've got the best view from here, come and see it!"

Amelia wouldn't wake up. Zel looked her over again, "Amelia?" He held her up from his bed. "Please wake up Amelia!"

Hugo closed the door. "We'll come back later.." He closed it and snickered. "Zel is…um….gonna be busy for awhile guys." Lavern smacked him.

"You idiot, she's dead!"

"That doesn't stop some people.." Victor and Lavern hit him at the same time.

Zelgadis rocked her gently. "I'm so sorry." A few tears fell from his eyes.

From the bottom of the church Rezo was fighting his way up the stairs. The archdeacon tried to block his entrance. "Don't you dare enter the house of god."

"Quiet you!" Rezo drop kicked him away and ran up the stairs. He found Zel in his room holding Amelia. 

Zel sadly glanced up at Rezo, then narrowed his eyes at him. "You killed her."

Rezo shrugged. "Fey, I don't care. I'm evil." He smiled as Zelgadis turned his head away to tend to Amelia and he took out a sword. 

Zel saw Rezo's shadow on the wall with his sword held high. He turned quickly to see Rezo slam it down. "Take that! And that! AND THAT!"

Zel shook his head at the sight of Rezo nailing his sword at a stone block. "Zelgadis…what's happening?" Amelia whispered weakly to Zel. Overjoyed he picked her up and ran out of his room. 

"Let's get our butts out of here and I'll tell you later!"

The minister stopped cutting the stone and ran after him. "Come back here, Bitch!" He followed the sounds of Zelgadis' footsteps, slashing with his sword everywhere. Holding Amelia close to him, Zel scooted on his side to avoid Rezo's careless attacks. The sword wouldn't really hurt him, but he was trying to shield Amelia from the blade.

Zelgadis whispered into Amelia's ear. "Rezo is blind as hell. If we stay really quiet he won't know where to attack." Zel started to scoot silently away from Rezo.

"Okay Mr. Zelgadis!!" Amelia yelled. 

Zelgadis groaned. "Great….just great." 

"RRRRARRRAH!" Rezo jumped on top of Zelgadis , knocking Amelia away from him. He kicked Zelgadis in the side, sending the Chimera almost teetering off the balcony. 

Zelgadis was holding on to one of the gargoyles, starring up at the mad eyes of Rezo. The minister laughed evilly with his sword in hand. Amelia was lying off to the side watching the scene.

"Oh the Horror! The Horror!" Amelia held the backside of her hand over her forehead.

Rezo chuckled. "I know this is not a appropriate time to tell you something that will scar you for life if you weren't going to die in a moment. But I'm going to do it anyway." He looked Zel in the face. "Zelgadis…..I killed Mufasa!"

Zelgadis coughed. "What?"

Rezo sweatdropped. "Opps, wrong script. I mean….um…what was I was going to say?"

"Oh just spit it out already! Jeez!"

"Now I remember. Zelgadis, I killed your mother and turned you into a Chimera."

Zelgadis gaped. "You? You did this to me? Why?"

"Trying to make gold." Rezo shrugged. "Funny how those things happen."

Zel was foaming from the mouth. "You ruined my life! That's not funny!" He reached up and grabbed Rezo from the collar and pulled him down. Rezo yelped and grabbed onto Zel's leg to keep from falling. 

"Zelgadis!" Amelia grabbed Zel's hand, trying to pull him up. Zelgadis was trying to shake his foot from Rezo's grasp. The minister was loosing his hold.

He cried out to Zel. "Zelgadis! Please save me! I know deep down you think I'm like a father to you!"

"Yeah right! Let go!" He gave his foot one more jerk and Rezo was thrown off and fell.

"AAAAAhhhhhhaaaaahhhhhaaaaaahhhh…." Rezo had to take a breath as he was falling into the pool of lava-like melting material below. "AAAHHH!"

Zelgadis climbed up slowly and Amelia fell into his arms. "Oh Zelgadis! I was scared that you were going to fall!"

He smiled and held onto her. "Yeah me too. At least you're safe…"

"OW! Oh! I'm melting! MELTING! Oh what a world! What a world!" Rezo cried from the bottom of the church.

Zelgadis and Amelia waited to see if he was going to scream anymore. 

"Ouch! Burning! Still burning! Ehhhhh......"

They smiled when they didn't hear anything. Lina and Gourry came running up the stairs. "Thank god you're okay!"

They all stood in front of each other awkwardly. "Um….now what?"

Gourry tapped his chin. "I think this is when we all kiss passionately to signify the ending of the evil doer and the feelings we have for one another."

Zelgadis lifted a finger. "Gourry? How in the world did you know…Mmmph!" Amelia was clutching him and had her mouth on his.

Gourry grinned at Lina and puckered up. Lina grimaced. "Ah ha….maybe later." She pushed him away. "I have a headache."

- - - - - -

The four heroes walked out of the church doors to the waiting townspeople. "Notre Dame Wins!!" Gourry cried and the crowd cheers in applause.

Amelia gently tugs Zelgadis into the view of the people. They look at him curiously as he walked up, rubbing the back of his head. A little girl suddenly walks up to the crowd and looks at him.

Zel blinks at her, then she touches his face. She smiles and hugs him. Zel is still stiff as a board, making nervous glances at Amelia and then at the girl. 

"Can I keep him, mommy?" The little girl cries to her mother. The crowd laughs and Zelgadis just blushes. The little gor; pouts, "I was serious!"

Zelgadis turns back to Amelia to give her a kiss when the crowd picks him up and carries him through the surprisingly 'free of melting lava' streets with no dead bodies or anything. Zel growls and begrudgingly lets the crowd carry him on their shoulders.

Xelloss jumps out. "Now here is a riddle to guess if you can…." The crowd looks at him. "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"And here I thought this was suppose to have a happy ending.." Zel groaned.

Just that moment Hugo fell from the balcony and broke into a thousand pieces.

Zelgadis gives the audience a thumbs up. "Now it's a happy ending!" Zel and Amelia walk off together followed by Gourry and Lina down the street with a computer animated crowd surrounding them.

THE END

Auther's Note: Woo! Finally done! This was really fun, I hope everyone enjoyed it. I tell ya, writing weird stuff like this is good stress relief from real life. If anyone has some good ideas for another parody in the future please feel free to email them to me sometime. Writing parodies sure beats writing research papers. Thank you all for the reviews! 


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